Wednesday 12 October 2011
Monday 10 October 2011
Spider (and cake!) in a Jar
I just found the coolest Halloween treat at a fabulous new-to-me blog called i am baker. Check out the above photo. How cute...I mean, spooky...is that?! Seriously...whether you like spiders or not, ya gotta admit that this is a great twist on the old 'Cake in a Jar' thing. The chocolate web on the top looks amazing, and seems to be surprisingly easy to make. Visit i am baker for all the instructions and helpful step-by-step photos of the process. You can tell her I sent ya!
I am totally making these...even if I am already a little creeped out!
Pssstt! If you're into the creepy crawly stuff, you might also like her Centipede cake (below). Personally, I'm pretty sure that the Devil himself set centipedes upon this earth to torture ME personally, so I won't be making this one. But if you're into that sort of thing, have at it! Just don't invite me over for it, k?
Bleehhh! I get heebie jeebies just looking at it!
Friday 2 September 2011
She's sitting there, across the table from us, lying. Lying right to our faces. And we KNOW she's lying. We know she's lying, she knows she's lying, but she clearly doesn't know that we know she's lying. She sits there, telling some outlandish story because the more detailed and complicated it is, the more likely it is to be true, right? She weaves her fairy tale story, twisting and turning and spinning this intricate explanation for where she was, who she was with, what they did, and what the weather was like when they were there doing whatever it was that they supposedly did. And it's all bullshit. And we KNOW it's bullshit. And I find myself sitting there, looking at her feeding us these lines, nervous but working hard to cover her nerves with the false strength of deception and I just keep thinking...'stew'.
Friday 26 August 2011
Phoebe Buffay had Regina Phalange. Lorelai Gilmore had Squeegy Beckinheim. Clark Kent had...oh, something I can't seem to remember right now. Jennifer Garner liked 'em so much she had a whole collection of them. No, I'm not talking about favorite facialists. I'm talking aliases, people!
And I have a new one. A new alias, a Super Secret Fake Name. (It's not really a secret at all, but I like the sound of that whole phrase together.) And I am quite pleased with it.
I've had others. Last year I gave gangster names to the whole family. LoML was SweetieBoy Smithers. The Girl was Dollface Malone. I can't remember The Kid's name because he didn't really use it, but I did call him 'Keith' a lot. I was and am CrazyLegs McGee. But times change and identities must be altered to protect the...well, me. And it is with this in mind that I get to share with you my newest Super Secret Fake Name!
I'd like to say it came to me in a dream. Or maybe a mysteriously accurate tea leaf reading. But that would be a lie. Here's how it happened: LoML and I were watching Fox News the other night. Don't judge; we watch it for a laugh! But there was a short segment that featured a girl named--no joke--Vanesha Cashdollar. She was talking about volunteer opportunities abroad, but I wasn't listening. I had stars in my eyes as I marvelled at the wonder of her name. Vanesha. Cashdollar. I don't know what she did in a former life to deserve a name like that, but as far as I was concerned, she'd struck gold. Or cash. Or dollars.
I'd like to be clear: I'm not trying to offend anybody. Vanesha, if you or any member of the Cashdollar family are reading this, please don't be mad at me. I just can't help it. I LOVE your name! And please remember, as I appropriate it for my own use, that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So I'm swagger jackin'.
Don't worry, I'm giving it my own spin. Sort of. I figure a girl named Vanesha must have an interesting life story. So MY Vanesha is a young widow. She came from humble beginnings, but met the man of her dreams at Princeton where she studied Interpretive Dance with a minor in Women's Studies. She married up, but her husband died in a tragic water-skiing accident two years later. She is, of course, a Thoroughly Modern Women, so she hyphenated when she married.
Vanesha Louise Moneypenny-Cashdollar.
I suspect her next marriage will be to one Buck Goldengoose. Or Bill Franklinclams. Benjamin Quidworth? Oh, the possibilities!